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I wrote this at about 2am last night, with traditional pen and paper (I know its like all oldschool and stuff!)

My room is dark…Quiet….peacefull

Hubby is asleep, Eldest is asleep, the boy is asleep, baby girl is asleep……

So why? to dear god! Am I still AWAKE!!!!!

My mind won’t shut off, whirling round like an information roundabout. Going over and over the days events. Not a great day but in the same way a lovely day. Once again, as normal, business issues have clouded what was a lovely day with my children. And now I’m awake!

Awake and thinking about how to move forward, what decision to make, plans that will help our future. Trying to factor in whats best for my family, my business and of course the needs of my daughter, who right now needs me more than ever.


Your snoring honey, followed by a gentle prod. He stops snoring.

Baby stirs and latches on. So now not only am I thinking, I’m breastfeeding too. She started feeding 2 hourly again! at 5 months! It’s a nightmare, but my instincts tell me it’s what she needs so tiredly, with eyes barely open but mind racing, I comply.


Again with the snoring! Roll over honey, you snore on your back. He rolls slightly, the snoring stops.

Baby girl is asleep, she let’s go of her latch. I contemplate trying to put her into her cot (sidecar) but give up due to fear of waking her. So I close my eyes, breath deeply and try to sleep.

YEAH RIGHT!! the roundabout starts again. when, where, how, what. My mind racing round and round. I contemplate getting up going downstairs and blogging. But then I think again. Baby girl needs me next to her. If I leave her up here she’ll wake and scream, if I take her downstairs she wake up thinking it’s morning. As gorgeous as her morning smiles are I DO NOT want to see them at 3 in the morning.

So I stay here. I pick up pen and paper and I write.



I swiftly dig hubby with my elbow, he barely stirs. he is one of those unwakable people at night, happy in his contented little snoozy, snorey world!

I am very jealous of these sleepy people. Hubby goes to bed his head hits the pillow and within a few minute (sometimes seconds) he’s asleep! This baffles me, this is something I have never been able to do. I don’t get it. How do you make your self sleep? Even on a good night it takes me about an hour or so to drop of.

Tonight is not a good night! Still awake, still thinking, mind still racing.



great! eldest appears to have wet the bed! Up jumps hubby (oh now you wake up!) He’s bringing her in with us……..

Do you fall asleep easily or are you like me and wrestle with sleep until you win?



About mamabmumto3

Mama to 3 little monkeys and running my own business offering antenatal and postnatal services. Here are the random thoughts, strange theories and observations of life of a mama, business woman and loon!

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