The other day I met a couple who at first glance I was mildly jealous of. You probably know one just like them. He was older, mature, well dressed. She was younger than him, very well presented but not done up and they had a small child. Very large house, both a BMW and an Audi in the front drive, spending the early evening pottering in their front garden. House was well decorated and clean organised and tidy, mine is not! see previous post!
Now I’m not for one second saying their life was perfect! Maybe it was? But you can’t judge a book by its cover. What the meeting got me thinking about was how we choose our partners. Now it would appear she did very well (fincially) out of marrying him, maybe he did well out of marrying her (not to be sexist) but that does not mean thats the reason she married him. Us poor people who married other poor people often like to be proud of the fact we married for love. But tbh when we think about it, the rich people probably marry for love too. So what is it that makes us choose/fall in love with different partners?
Although having a big house, cars and disposable income will NOT make you happy what it will do is relieve the added pressure that someone without these things has. I’m sure anyone who’s married/in a relationship will vouch for the fact that 9 times out of 10 if your gonna fight its down to money worries/or working too much!
So where am I going with this? I am fascinated by evolution. Ultimately our bodies/genetics are designed to adapt to change and to survive. ‘Survival of the fittest’ is how we became the strong species we are. Over thousands/millions of years the strongest (fittest) humans chose the partners best equip to survive and our species developed, growing with each generation, adapting to the surrounding we were living in. So does this mean that by choosing to marry a poor man, who works long hours I am not the fittest? not the best equip to survive?
I hope not. I chose my husband for many reasons, not just because every time he winked at me my heart actually stopped beating and I nearly fell over, but because we’re friends, he makes me happy and we share ideals! My husband (he’ll love this bit) is attractive, strong, intelligent and has great genes. I know this by our three beautiful healthy children. He is also an attentive and loving father. So in the natural world I chose good! But we don’t live in the forest anymore, we don’t have to alude bears, build treehouses and hunt squirrels! We live in cities, where everything and I mean EVERYTHING costs money!
100 years ago, his strength and good looks would have done us good. all jobs were manual labour, attractive people were considered more trustworthy and my well built 6’3″ husband would have faired well. But now adays not so much, the best jobs plain and simply go to those with gift of the gab and the pure undisputable drive to succeed. (see Alan Sugar/Richard Branson)
I haven’t even mentioned in this post what I earn! We live in a society of equality so surely I am responsible for my own financial security? I do agree with this but while my children are little I feel they need mama more than money, so I work a job that doesn’t earn millions but allows me to be there for the children.
One thing writing this post has made me realise is that if I wanna make more money out of my husband (tall, dark, hansom, good genes) I need to pimp him out!!
So should our idea of an attractive mate be changing? is it changing? In a world so obsessed with the physical appearance of a person, are we going against evolution? What do you think? Am I mad/bored/confused?
I do also have some rather out there and possibly offensive theories on intelligence and de-evolution, the evolution of society and homosexuality as a step forward but I’ll leave those till I’m feeling braver or no ones listening.